That makes saying “no” especially difficult for people-pleasers, whether a friend is asking for a favour or taking on a thankless task at work when other demands are mounting.
But is being a people-pleaser all that bad?
“Any personality trait has its tradeoffs,” said psychologist Julie Juola Exline of Case Western Reserve University. “People are going to like a people-pleaser and feel comfortable around them, and that’s good. The problem is if you, the people-pleaser, end up feeling that you have to cave in and that you have not been true to yourself. You may later be angry at yourself and regret your actions.”
I agree, many times I ask myself why I said yes, however, after doing what was asked of me I usually feel good rather than bad that I could have helped. Of course, the aiming-to-please habit can be a detriment and people will take advantage of such a habit, but if it makes you feel happy and fulfill knowing you’re doing something good, which is the most important.
I have a friend that is always willing to help when ask. I asked her, where do you find the time to do all these things and aren’t you stressed out doing so much. She said NO. She enjoys doing these things and she feels good knowing that she’s getting things done. It makes her happy and she feels accomplished. She said one of her colleague said she’s intuitive, and a group that she’s a part of, one of the member told her they’re so happy that she’s a part of the group, because she listens so intently and explain things with such simplicity and clarity.
People aiming to please probably are more capable of doing more than others, have better understanding and a clearer picture of what needs to be done. They are organized, friendly, helpful, supportive, always smiling, talented and the ultimate team players. It seems they tap into more of their resources than others do, and I believe those resources are there for others to tap into as well.
All the science on aiming to please says it’s a bad thing, but I disagree. Sure some people go overboard with it, and it needs to be done in moderation like everything else, but If it makes you HAppy, isn’t that the most important? Isn’t Happiness we’re all striving for?
At the end of the day, it is not whether you are a people-pleaser or not, it is your attitude, your approach, your clarity, your decisiveness, and the proper alignment of your strength with theirs, that bring that BIG SMILE on your face and theirs.
To your success.
Happy Attitude Nourish Harvest!
Hanh Consulting – Move People