Monthly Archives: May 2015

W|D|R – Create Our Ecosystem of Personal Accountability

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personal accountabilityMy friend asked me to write something about accountability. He said we should be accountable for ourselves and what we do. This is a very simple and concise explanation of Accountability. It is easier to have somebody else hold us accountable. The hard part is personal accountability meaning, like my friend said, we should be accountable for ourselves. HOW?

These are some suggestions that I’ve come up from my personal experience and work:

To hold ourselves accountable, first, we must be clear about the end result, meaning “Why we are doing this?”. I remember one of my clients came to me with a very strong desire to open up his own business. He told me he wanted to learn how to hold himself accountable through the whole process. He is a guy with tons of ideas, which is an excellent trait for an entrepreneur. I felt so happy for him. When we started to talk about his business plan, he got excited. I was excited too. However, after 30 minutes of non-stop talking touching almost every aspect in the market, I guess he felt tired; he stopped, looking at me a little confused. “Why am I doing this?” I followed up with a question, “Suppose you know why you are doing this, what difference will that make for you?” He thought for a moment and started to mention the self-realization, contribution of his strength, financial freedom and self-confidence. This time, he spoke a lot more slowly and I can feel the sincerity in his talk. After a couple of more following-up questions, he finally realized, all of a sudden, that all the freedom he wants is because he doesn’t want to be alone any more. He wanted to keep the companion. What a turning point! At the end, he said something that convinced me he was ready to be on his own right there right then and he will accomplish both in his business and in his relationship. He said, “I can see what I will be doing in 5 years time. After our meeting, I will have a really good talk with my girlfriend, telling her the reason why I will be doing this is to have a future with her. I want her to trust me that I am a good partner, but if I spend more time on the business than on her, I want her to understand that’s because I am building our future.” What a sweet spirit! Love can conquer all. I believe this is the most desirable “WHY” that will keep him on his path in the years to come. When we are clear about the “Why”, we always know the “How”, which is the first step of personal accountability.

Think about this – “Sporadic bursts of feverish effort, interspersed with months of inaction, are unlikely to net you a finished novel or a functioning small business by the end of the year. ” If it makes sense to you, congratulations, you have come to the second step in personal accountability, being consistent. We need momentum (or energy) to keep us going on the path to create wealth, maintain health and nourish relationship. Consistency is the only effective way to generate the momentum on our path to success.

Jerry Seinfeld is one of the most successful comedians of all‐time. He is regarded as one of the “Top 100 Comedians of All–Time” by Comedy Central. According to Forbes magazine, Seinfeld reached his peak in earnings when he made $267 million dollars in 1998. He achieved the remarkable consistency by performing, creating, entertaining at an incredibly high standard, show after show, year after year. This is what a young comedian shared what Jerry Seinfeld told him when he asked about “any tips for young comic”:

He said the way to be a better comic was to create better jokes and the way to create better jokes was to write every day.

He told me to get a big wall calendar that has a whole year on one page and hang it on a prominent wall. The next step was to get a big red magic marker. He said for each day that I do my task of writing, I get to put a big red X over that day.

“After a few days you’ll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job is to not break the chain.”

See? It boils down to a simple “not break the chain”. When you fill up your wall calendar with those big red X’s, you are already a person with high accountability. Isn’t that easy?

The final step in personal accountability is delivery of results no matter how small. If it turns out to be workable, do more; however, if we don’t see what we want, do something different, because we understand the WHY so clear that we know HOW to navigate our path and get where we want. By delivering the results, we maintain the power to control our lives. We weed out the excuses of not doing for fear of failure. The biggest enemy to personal accountability is avoidance.

Suppose we don’t avoid taking the small steps, because they are too small comparing to our goals, we will work on the small steps as diligently as we work on the big vision. When we regard the small steps as valuable as a big achievement, we are on a path to create success all along the way.

Suppose we don’t avoid listening to constructive criticism, because they are not appealing to our ears, we will be able to get different views of what we are doing. We are emptying our cups so that it can hold more constructive and productive ideas that we may consider on our way to accomplishment.

Suppose we don’t avoid keeping up with our time blocking schedule, because there are other things we have to deal with, we will feel more fulfilled after we fill up that time block as scheduled. In the meantime, we are informing other people that our time is valuable and we are teaching them to respect our time.

Suppose we don’t avoid talking about delivery of results, because we have been busy working all the time, we will be able to figure out what we can do to spend our time more effectively and productively, rather than jumping from one thing to another. We will only be able to know if what we are doing is right or wrong by looking at the results. Then we can decide whether to do more or do something different.

Carrying out our plan or schedule won’t be hard if we are able to see the progress. Progress is a series of results that we deliver using trial and learn on our way to any success.

Being clear about the WHY will motivate us to take consistent actions. The consistent action will create the results we can measure. This is the ecosystem of personal accountability.

To your success.

Hanh Consulting

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H-Day Report – A Zen Story that Teaches Us about Life-long Learning

empty-your_cup-300x220I had a thorough and clearer story of Buddha at my Toastmasters Club yesterday.  The presenter gave us a thorough evolution of how Buddhism came into being.  The young prince went through the confusion of why he lives while living a luxurious life in the palace, to the shock of how fierce life can be while walking out of the palace and facing an elderly man, to the realization of the existence of meaning of life while talking to a contented beggar, to the enlightenment after 49+7 days of meditation under a bodhi tree.  With the starvation of his physical body during the meditation, he realized the purification and enlightenment of his soul. He finally found out the essence and meaning of life.

We admit that different people understand life on different levels. But anyone who cares to find the path to true peace and happiness in life will end up at the same place.  The pursuit is a life-long process, requiring learning, adjusting, practicing and realization.

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

This is a self-explanatory story that you might have read somewhere else. However, it is really a very powerful demonstration of our attitude in dealing with other people. Ideally, the more we know, the more we become humble. The more we know, the more we would like to know what other people think. Following the four stages of knowing, namely,

  • Stage One: Don’t know that you don’t even know.
  • Stage Two: Know that you don’t know.
  • Stage Three: Know that you know.
  • State Four: Don’t know that you know.

It is undeniable that this is a clear path from unconscious incompetence (the beginner), to unconscious competence (the expert). By learning more in our field, we can only get better until we become the expert, the turn-to person.

Some suggestions on how to apply this “Empty-your-cup” attitude:

  • Listen. Listen. And listen more – it not only helps us get the utmost information, what’s more important is that it help us win trust and confidence.
  • Ask questions rather than give answers – the astounding power of questions will bring tremendous benefits for us. A thought-provoking question can be the igniter of communication, the incubator of quality relationship and the catalyst to breakthroughs.
  • Be curious – the curiosity is the best motivator in learning. It is also a demonstration of our humbleness. Keep that curiosity when talking to people and they will feel the energy, and they will become the main actor of the communication. Let them feel the respect and focus and they will become the resource for us.

If you like the story, please practice the empty-your-cup attitude in dealing with people.  You will find out the pleasure of life-long learning.

To your success.

Happy Attitude Nourish Harvest. – Activate the H.A.N.H. in you.

Hanh Consulting

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M|M|C Report – Do you know what kills?

Happy Monday, Champs! Today I’d like to share with you something regarding “What Kills?”, pretty scary, right? It is. It will kills us if we don’t pay attention and get us immunized from it.

enthusiasm-quoteAs I passed by the accounting girl after my lunch, I felt so sorry for her. Her eyes were fixed on the computer screen, her fingers were moved mechanically along the chart and it turned out that she was doing the reconciliation of the accounts. I can’t see single livelihood from her action and expression. I understand her totally that this is the most painful task on a regular day and she has to do it regularly as an accounting clerk. She is in her mid-twenties, an age full of energy, creation, happiness, livelihood and enthusiasm. Well, yes, I know what’s missing here, ENTHUSIASM.

Do you remember when was the last time you felt your eyes start to shine? Do you remember when was the last time you talked to other people with enthusiasm and how they respond to you? Do you still remember those wide-opened eyes and the mirroring actions from your audience? Those are proofs of enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm is like passion, if that’s easier to understand. It is the heart-pounding when you catch sight of the person you would like to fall in love with; it is the moment your partner bend down with one knee saying “Will you marry me?”; it is the thrill when you tell your success story of how you rise from the gutter to where you are; it is the determination when you know you can conquer all. Yes, enthusiasm can be seen in the twinkling of your eyes, the determination in your steps, the power in your hands, the irresistible energy pull of what you have decided to create. Enthusiasm is the self-raising force that lifts your dreams up to the starts. It create the evolution of the world. It creates the amazing revolutions in ourselves.

I learned the below poem from Frank Bettger’s book How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling. It used to be his daily mantra that actually pushed him from the gutter to the peak. I’m sharing it with you. Get back the enthusiasm in our lives and make it a better one:

Victory

by Herbert Kauffman

You are the man who used to boast
That you’d achieve the uttermost,
Some day.

You merely wished a show,
To demonstrate how much you know
And prove the distance you can go…

Another year we’ve just passed through.
What new ideas came to you?
How many big things did you do?

Time…left twelve fresh months in your care
How many of them did you share
With opportunity and dare
Again where you so often missed?

We do not find you on the list of Makers Good.
Explain the fact!
Ah no, ’twas not the chance you lacked!
As usual – you failed to act!

When we get excited, we get the people in our lives excited and we get the business.

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W|D|R – Are we ready?

conceptual_ageWhile I am reading the book, A Whole New Mind – Why Right-brainers will rule the future? by Daniel Pink, I would like to share some interesting points with you.

Remember in history, there were a few transitional ages that moving our society from the Agricultural Age forward, namely,

Industrial Age, which is a period of history that encompasses the changes in economic and social organization that began around 1760 in Great Britain and later in other countries, characterized chiefly by the replacement of hand tools with power-driven machines such as the power loom and the steam engine, and by the concentration of industry in large establishments. The Industrial Age is defined by mass production, broadcasting, the rise of the nation state, electric power, modern medicine and running water. The quality of human life has increased dramatically during the Industrial Age.

It is commonly believed that the Industrial Age was superseded by Information Age in the late 20th century.  Information Age is a period in human history characterized by the shift from traditional industry brought through industrialization by industrial revolution, to an economy based on information computerization. Digital Revolution is the character of this period, just as the Industrial Revolution marked the onset of the Industrial Age. The Information Age is formed by capitalizing on computer micro-miniaturization advances. This evolution of technology in daily life, as well as of educational life style, has allowed rapid global communications and networking to shape modern society. ( Kluver, Randy. “Globalization, Informatization, and Intercultural Communication”. United Nations Public Administration Network.)

The evolution of technology keeps bring changes to our society.  When companies start to seek more ways to reduce cost, to be more efficient, to focus their resources on their strengths, they started to outsource the routine work to knowledge workers where the demand can be met with lower cost. Instead, the modern corporations are more and more focusing on the areas where machines/computers/knowledge workers are not able to replace. This brings up the new age, the Conceptual Age. The Conceptual Age is the new era of work where current economic demand calls for workers who are skilled in areas guided by the right hemisphere of the brain including: Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play and Meaning.

Design

It’s not necessarily for only the artists or designers to consider this sense. We can all create something in our lives. The design here means taking into consideration of the human elements. “Today, it’s economically crucial and personally rewarding to create something that is also beautiful, whimsical, or emotionally engaging.” (Pink, 2006, 65)

Story

A right story told at the right time leaves deeper impression than a well-designed statistic. In order to get our meaning across, to persuade, to bring people on board, the essence has become the ability to fashion a compelling narrative. By telling others our stories and listening to other people’s stories, we demonstrate our presence, and we acknowledge others’ feelings.

Symphony

It is quite self explanatory. A symphony requires all the instruments to play at the right time, in the right pace, with the right pitch. On a broad sense, the economy requires people who can bring different parts together and produce, like the conductor. For individuals, we need to cultivate our skills to see the bigger picture for our life and work, rather than focusing on the unmet needs.

Empathy

What make us distinguished from general public is our ability to understand what motivates our fellow men and women, to nurture relationships and to care for others.

Play

There are ample evidence showing the enormous health and professional benefits of laughter, lightheartedness, games and humor. In Conceptual Age, in life and in work, we all need play. It is the fun parts that make the wheel running.

Meaning

When we accept that there is something bigger than ourselves, when we enter the realm of pursuing significant desires for purpose, transcendence and spiritual fulfillment, when we understand that our happiness lies in the self-actualization while helping others, we will have found the meaning of our lives.

None of the above six skills can be outsourced or delegated. Whoever masters them first will have a huge advantage in the new age. Let’s get started.

awholenewmind

Happy Attitude Nourish Harvest. – Activate the H.A.N.H. in you.

To your success.

Hanh Consulting

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W|D|R – From Failing to Success

Winning-and-FailingThe Big Three:

  • Do you want success?
  • Are you doing anything to succeed?
  • What if there’s a much better, faster and easier for you to succeed, would like to learn it?

From Failing To Success:

Do you know why you’re not excelling in your profession and achieving the success you so deserved?

We can do anything that we want to do, that’s very true, but it doesn’t mean we’ll excel at it. However, when operating from strength, we find our self moving forward effortlessly, we make it look easy. That’s success, that’s what we call success. Successful people make it look easy, like anyone can do it and anyone can achieve what they’ve achieved. As a matter of fact, it was told that if you want to be successful, just find someone who is successful, study what they did to become successful, then replicate the same actions and you’ll be successful. How many of you tried that? How did it work out for you?…I could learn to play football, but it doesn’t mean I’ll be successful at it. For one, I don’t like the game, don’t understand it too much and don’t see the reason why I would want to batter myself up like those guys do. Basketball, I love the game, but I have no desire to play the game, even though I play for exercise. I learned how to play, but if I pursued it, I will never become good or great at it, no matter how hard I tried or practice. I don’t desire to become good at it….

This is what some of us do. We take a job because the money was good, but you suck at the job, hate your boss and beg for the company to realize how little you do for them so they can fire you. We see this in everything, from business to relationships. Some of us are in relationships that we can’t wait for it to end or can’t see the future, but no one wants to say “this is not working out and I think we should go our separate ways”. To be successful at anything isn’t easy, but it’s a lot less taxing when we operate from the point of strength. For example; If we seek relationships that are compatible and complimentary of each other, that’s a relationship that will flourish; if you see it, let it go the earlier the better. The same with a job, a business, a subject in school or a sport, just about anything. When we operate from strength, it’s effortless because it’s something we know and feel, we are congruent in it.

Tom Rath, wrote in his book Strength Finder 2.0 “You cannot be anything you want to be, but you can be a lot more of who you already are”…The majority of successful people don’t know how they achieved success. If google wasn’t successful, no one would know about it. If you ask the founders how did they get so successful? They wouldn’t know what to tell you, because they had no idea it would be a success. So is facebook, youtube, twitter, linkedin and all the successful companies out there. No one keeps track of what they’re doing daily to ensure the success of themselves and the company, because they had no idea how it would turn out. It’s after the sight of success, they started to realized that they might be on to something. Don’t try to be all you can be, but rather be more of who you already are. I have known many people who have started companies with the same intentional outcome as these guys, and they failed miserably, more than once, twice or even three times. I know this to be true, because I was one of them. The fact is, success comes in all shades and colors, and there are many ways to skin a cat, so, trying to do it like the next guy, might not work out so good for you as it does for him.

I’ve seen this in the sales industry all the time. A company would have 10 sales people, but only one performs extraordinary, another would perform good and the others are average, they would never reach extraordinary. According to one survey, more than 74% of all salespeople miss their quota every month, they are simply no good and or untrained.

According to Objective Management Group evaluations of 700,000 salespeople over the past 24 years. Objective Management Group is a testing and evaluation company. OMG claims to have compiled the world’s largest database of information about salespeople, based on assessments of more than 650,000 salespeople across pretty much every industry. What they’ve found is that 6% of salespeople are “elites” who are great at selling. Another 20% are doing well but could do better. Then there are 74% who are failing. Most of the people in the 74% bracket can improve if they get training. But the bottom 25% are hopeless, because in addition to being ineffective, they aren’t trainable. Those people “should be doing something else”.

This is what most of us do. We take on positions and relationships that we suck at, and expect it to be successful. How can you excel in something that you suck at? The bottom line, find what works for you and do it, do it well, and you’ll succeed.

To your success.

Happy Attitude Nourish Harvest. – Activate the H.A.N.H. in you.

Hanh Consulting

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M|M|C Report – What if you are alone?

It was a very nice Mother’s day weekend. I came to a breakthrough with respect to being alone.

I have been in my business for a few years. However, my working part-time on the business kind of drag the process a little longer. Till now, not much progress can be seen, but I have been busy all the time, after work, on weekends. So when my family raised the question of what exactly I have been doing in the past few years. I became defensive. I felt misunderstood, hurt and depressed. I wanted them to know that even though I wanted to realize my value and do the things that I like and I am probably good at, I am also trying to bring more home. I wanted them to know that what I am working on takes time, since I only work on it part time, even though I had quite a few urges to quit my job and do it full-time to accomplish more. I wanted them to know that their accusations do sound right, so I feel sorry for the time that I should have been with them. However, I just can’t explain enough how hard I have been working on this business and how promising it can be, once it starts to get recognition.

Rather than keep arguing with them, I stepped out. I took a walk in the park. It was quiet and I feel lonely. How I wish I could have a way to explain to them and sell my dream to them. Two Canadian geese strolled by me, in a relaxed and casual manner. How lucky you guys are! You just need to follow the season, back and forth, migrating. All of a sudden, a fairy tale “The Wild Swans” hit me. I read the story to my kids the night before. I remembered the young queen, Elisa. In order to save her spelled-cast brothers, she had to keep silence for 6 years, inspire of the rumor, the gossip, the mistreatment. In the silent 6 years, she kept knitting the shirts with stinging nettles until the last minute before her execution as a witch. Her silence was pitied by the people, however, the length of unspoken working finally raged the people. Imagine how much she wanted to break all the wrongs that had been done to her, but in order to accomplish something bigger than herself, she took all in. Finally, she was able to tell the truth after she finished the last move and all her brothers were rescued.

It’s like the book of success says, on our way of success, we must have the courage to face loneliness, mistreatment or unfavorable situations. All these challenges are opportunities for us to grow, to adjust what we are doing, to strengthen our determination. These are tests to our faith in ourselves and what we do. It is painful when we can’t share our journey with the loved ones, it is painful that the naysayers don’t see what we see. But it is ok. We can’t blame anybody else. The moment we start to blame, we give in to the negativity and impossibility. We lose control of our journey. We are farther away from our ultimate goal.

After thinking about this, I become more calm. Maybe, it is not the time to explain. What I need to do is to keep focusing on what I can do and what I should do. When my desire is so strong, the universe conspires to help me. Time will come when everything is clear and every doubt is cleared. I just need to hold on tight!

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H-Day Report – Calm as water

calm as water

It is such a beautiful day. With the warm sunshine and cool breeze, it makes the perfect day for a walk after lunch.

Put on my favorite music, I started my walk in the sun. Look at those people, some are in a haste like running, some are leisure like strolling, some are intensively running and some are sipping coffee and enjoying. I am listening to the best language in the world, my music and walking at my pace toward the lakeside.

I love the space without anybody else walking around me. I love the tranquility with the once-in-a-while birds’ cooing. I love the gentle ripples of the water reminding me the power of softness.

Close my eyes, smelling the freshness of the water, feeling the gentle touch of the breeze, enjoying the soft music, I feel lost in nature. Time has stopped right where I am. I know I can be the state for a long time, without thoughts, ideas, opinions, judgments, analysis, but being present. What a bless that we are able to walk on our own to the place we want to go with ease! What a bless that we are still alive!

Speaking of being present, what is being present? The spiritual meaning reveals two sides, being here and being now. If it is so hard to understand being present, then let’s take a look at what is not being present. The contrasts to being present are living in the past and living in the future. When we live in the past, we hold on to regrets. We constantly review things that have already happened, trying to explain them in terms of our own or someone else’s actions. Often this kind of thinking leads to guilt or blaming. When we live in the future, we make assumptions or fantasize about what could happen and then become attached to those expected outcomes. This kind of thinking usually results in disappointment. Whether we are consumed with positive expectations (optimism) or negative projections (pessimism), we are not living in the moment.

Therefore, when we find ourselves constantly reacting to our experiences in one of these ways, when we always think back or think forward, it is time to be present. Don’t get sucked into the regrets or disappointments, be in there for a little while and then get out of the place, and be present, either paying attention to the external surroundings or to the internal feelings. Do something to distract the focus on the non-present. Remember, the present never comes back again. There’s a saying, “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”

master-oogway-quote

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.” – Bruce Lee

What would you do to be like water?

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M|M|C Report – Add some relaxed intensity to what we can do

relaxed intensityHappy Monday, Champs! How have you decided to spend such a beautiful day? How can you make it better?

We had a family trip to the Dynamic Earth, (the Big Nickel) in Sudbury, Ontario. It was such a great trip. We, the kids and us all learned a lot more about mining, the history, the technology and the distribution.  One of the things-to-do was going underground for a one-hour tour of the mine, which is really cool.  We physically went down 26 meters and walked through time to experience the century old mine, the mine in the 1950’s and the modern mine. At the beginning of the tour, we went back to the beginning of mining industry in Sudbury. There was no electricity so the miners were equipped with a hat with a candle attached to it as light. To let us experience what dark means, the guide turned off all the portable lights she carried and we were in totally pitch black. We can’t see our hands right in front of us.

Right that moment reminded me of the 2010 Copiapo mining accident in Chile, which was also mentioned in Greg Reid’s book “Stickability“. I recently finished reading that book and was elevated from time to time on my journey of self-development. The “Loss 33″, the 33 miners, were trapped underground for 70 days and finally rescued, due to the perseverance of their foreman, Luis Urzúa. He presented to his workers and the whole world what relaxed intensity was by what he did during the 70 days underground. He could be as panic as the others, he could easily lost hope, but he didn’t. The 54-year-old Urzúa was the last man out after 70 long days trapped below the Atacama desert. In the interview, he said that following the collapse of the mine on 5 August, he had dispatched men to find out what had happened and see if escape was possible. When they could not find an exit route. “We were trying to find out what we could do and what we could not”, said Urzúa. “Then we had to figure out the food.” Urzúa tried to instill a philosophical acceptance of fate so they could accept their situation and move on to embrace the essential tasks of survival.

A person with relaxed intensity, is one who is calm through a storm/crisis/catastrophe, and can maintain their composure through most challenging times. The key is to keep calm, hang on and inspire others to follow suit. This is the sign of a true leader, a leader to themselves and a leader to the others.

There’s another story that I would like to share with you. It was a morning, the husband was about to leave the house. He reminded the wife to put aside the medicine bottle on the table, just in case the son would play with it. The wife was so tied up by the chores and by the time she remembered the bottle, what she saw was her son lying by an empty bottle motionless. She was freaked out and called the ambulance. The boy was taken to the hospital. Unfortunately, it was too late. When the devastated husband run into the emergency room facing his motionless son, it’s not hard to imagine that hard and over intense feelings. Taking a look at his shivering and weeping wife, he put his hand on her shoulder and said one thing, “I love you.” This is exactly a model of a person with relaxed intensity, calm (no matter how turbulent the inside is) and hanging on (fully accept whatever happened and move one).

You must say these are extreme examples that are too hard to follow. They are. However, it is just these extreme situations and stories that will make a deep impression on us, so deep that we are able to contemplate and realize the power of relaxed intensity. It is born with and learned. It is what we can remind us to practice and improve for our internal peace and the peace of our world as a whole.

To your success.

Hanh Consulting

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W|D|R – Do it for….yourself!

Empower-YourselfDo you know “Why?” –

  • You know there’s another 20 minutes that you have to keep running, you keep running without stopping.
  • You feel a little better from the headache, even though it’s not completely gone, and you decide to go to work.
  • You love that new perfume, and you know that it will enhance your appearance and confidence, so you pay for it, with a half empty purse afterwards.
  • You have had the 30th “No. Thank you.” over the phone in the past hour during your cold calling, and you still dial the next number.
  • You know yesterday’s argument was not your fault, and you still decided to break the ice.

……

It is because you are doing it for yourself. The moment we decide to do something for ourselves, we are empowering ourselves; we start to take the responsibility for ourselves; we disregard the outcome or the influence of the factors outside us; we simply do it no matter what.

  • You keep running despite the tiredness and the urge to stop, because you are doing it for yourself to keep healthy and fit.
  • You decide to go to work despite the hanging condition, because you are doing it for yourself to keep your work organized.
  • You buy the perfume ultimately despite sacrifice some other demands, because you are doing it for you to make yourself feel better.
  • You persist on dialing the next number despite the fact that it might be another “NO”, because you are doing it for yourself to get the final “YES”.
  • You put side your ego despite it might seems like you are giving up your ground in the argument, because you know it’s never who is right and who is wrong in a real, deep and everlasting relationship, so you value the relationship more than yourself.

We persist in the pursuit of our goals. We compromise to ease the situation. We forgive to nourish the relationship. We strive to be a better we. When we understand and accept that we are doing all these for ourselves, we don’t need to get acknowledgement, we don’t need to wait for acceptance, we don’t need to complain about no response, we don’t need to hold on the grudges. These are our choices and we know that these are the right choices at the that time, so don’t get back questioning ourselves afterwards.

Whenever we are confused or wonder if we are doing the right thing, always, always ask ourselves the same question, as Debbie Ford reminded us, “Is this empowering myself or dis-empowering myself?” We are always at our best when we empower ourselves. It requires awareness and determination. So when we feel the doubt, the shaking, the struggle, remember that it is our choice and we are doing it for ourselves. See how powerful that will make you feel and how easier it is to keep our words.

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