Sometimes it’s so easy falling into the turmoil that the loved ones create. We feel depressed, irritated and torn down.
Don’t be. It’s not the other people that create the situation; it is us, because we let them. If we let certain negative comments or thoughts of the other people go again and again without stepping up to stop them, they will eventually become a norm that negate our lives.
What to do? Step up and stand your ground. This is what happened tonight.
“Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. While preparing dinner, I told my husband that I would go to the grocery store to buy some treats for her classmates. He right away gave me that dirty look as if I was going to rob him of his money. I was used to the look because that’s what I see every time I was about to spend money. I didn’t say anything. Whatever.
After dinner I went to the store. I bought some mini cup cakes and some fruits, because I knew those are the kids’ favourites. I was relaxed that my daughter and her classmates will have some good time tomorrow. When I came back home, it was already bed time. The kids were playing their own games while he was playing games on playbook ignoring me opening the door and brought in the stuff. I asked him whether he was preparing to take the kids to bed. He said they were having fruits. He didn’t even raise his eyes from the playbook.
I did something stupid. I passed my anger at him to the kids. I blamed them of not going to bed on time, then I rushed them upstairs to wash and go to bed. I turned off the light and went downstairs right away. The kids were sad that I didn’t hug or kiss them good-bye. I knew so clearly that I was actually mad at him the whole time. Kids are kids. They didn’t do anything wrong.
A couple of minutes later, my son came quietly, “Mommy, you haven’t given my eye drops.” I wanted so much to change the mood upstairs. I gave my son eye drops, counted down from 10 to 1 and turned off the lights and sat between their beds singing their favorite lullabies. After I finished, I hugged and kissed them as usual. My daughter said something that almost made me cry, “Sorry Mommy. We will go to sleep on time next time. You’re the best mommy ever, because you still sing us songs.” I couldn’t help hugging them tighter and longer. I was saying sorry to the kids in my mind. They are the best kids. I failed them. I should better control my temper.
So what was wrong. The whole episode started when I told him that I would spend money. The money was spent on our kids for their birthday. It is a good time to teach them that birthdays are important; birthdays are to be celebrated; they are important. I am not a spender, so I don’t spend money recklessly; he should not give me that dirty look. I will stand my ground. I went to the basement while he was exercising and told him that it’s not acceptable to give me that look and suspect my judgment on spending money. If he doesn’t like it, fine; please walk away, but no more dirty look.”
We need to stand our ground and we need to let the other people know what is acceptable and what is not. It just makes things easier for everybody. We express our ground and we should be ready to receive opposing. But if we don’t take it personally, then nothing will impact our mood. The essence is still how we process and react to the situation.
Stand your ground!