Monthly Archives: November 2013

Some thoughts about communication

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Last night, we held a successful seminar with the help of M-Bridge, Culture Integration Society for Professionals, at Ymm Art Space in Markham.

The cute pictures and delicate artworks on the wall, the desk and windsill added some bright colors and light theme to the surroundings.

We talked about communication, a broad and widely-discussed topic.  What is communication? Is there self communication? Do you only communicate when talking? Is there communication in silence? What are you communicating to you, thoughts or actions? As long as you’re thinking, you’re communicating. Do you believe that the most important communication is self? And why? What do you communicate before bedtime and how is that affecting or impacting your mornings and days? Continue reading

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MMC Report | Monday Monitor

Happy Monday Everyone
 
ONLY IN OUR HEAD:
Why is it that Monday is the toughest day of the week?…It’s not. Continue reading

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The Entrepreneur Spirit

Entrepreneur Revolution by Daniel Priestley is a very dense and concise guide for entrepreneur-to-be’s, me being one of them. The book sheds a new light to my starting business. What impressed me most are the following points:

1. Taking actions. Continue reading

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www.200maction.com is up and running now.

Welcome to the new home of “200maction”.

Thank you for your consistent attention. This is your place, a place where you can find something that you experience in your daily life, something you feel happy about or something bothers you. You’re not alone. I’m glad to tell you that I share quite a bit of the same feelings as you. But no matter it’s happy or not, we will keep our spirit high and stick to our goal, as we know it’s right ahead.

Remember a mediocre idea acted upon is far more valuable than a brilliant idea that only rests in your mind.

Good luck!

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A great person

You can be a great person.  What makes a person great is him being humble, appreciative, accountable and reliable. Don’t let your arrogance and complacency kill the greatness within you.

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Spark

The moment I closed the book, Spark, by Kristine Barnett, I couldn’t help putting my thinking into words.

Kristine is a mother of three boys, one was diagnosed with autism at the age of fifteen months, one had reflex sympathetic dystrophy from two month and the youngest, a normal kid. The book is a journey of her and her family rediscovering their autistic son, Jake’s genius and managed to do all that they can do to bring up that spark. There are tearing periods when they faced step-back in their son’s development after their efforts; moving moments when her son tight his little arms around her neck after eighteen months of ignorance of her existence due to autism; inspiring chapters when she persisted in normalizing her son’s education during Depression.

What impressed me most are the following:

Persistence. She persistently believe that encouraging Jake’s interests would bring his hidden talents. When Kris got the formal diagnosis of Jake’s autism, she didn’t simply take it. From a mother’s instinct, Kris found out that Jake spent hours and hours watching shadows and he excelled in patterning and she believed that it must led to something special. Instead of focusing on what he couldn’t do, she encourage Jake to do what he could do. Instead of taking his toys away to avoid distraction in Jake’s treatment as prescribed by the traditional treatment, she encouraged Jake to play with whatever he liked. It was against the experts’ opinions. It didn’t follow the traditional treatment. She persistently saw her son’s talents from his abnormal behaviours and did whatever she could to protect and nurture those talents. Jake becomes a prodigy in astrology and physics and the youngest researcher in quantum physics at the age of twelve. All results from Kris’ persistence to protect the kid’s interests and bring it up despite the cost.

Seeking rapport and support. During Jake’s development, Kris’ persistence didn’t blind her eyes. She had never stopped seeking support to maximize Jake’s treatment. When she was not sure whether it was right to pull Jake out of special education, she got support and guidance from experts who saw the same talents in Jake as herself. When she found out that Jake’s ability in math surpassed people she knew, she stood out to call professors’ in colleges and universities to seek their advice and permission to put Jake in their classes, so that Jake could get the best learning opportunities. When she was planning to build Jacob’s Place, a recreation centre for autistic kids like Jake, but desperately short of funds, she didn’t stop talking to people around her about it and finally met a philanthropic developer who helped her with the project. She exchanged treatment and development information with parents of autistic kids and the stress and ideas of being a parent of autistic kids. It was with all those support and rapport that she made up her mind to bring up Jake in her own way and it proved a magic.

Giving back. Kris understood the extreme hardship being a parent of an autistic kid. She experienced the ignorance, separation, isolation and disappearance of and from the kid. Once she saw some improvement in Jake because of her encouraging and nurturing way, she developed the whole program and set up a Little Light centre and Sports centre for autistic kids. In there, both the parents and the kids can be whoever they want to be by just enjoying the moments of being together.

Jake’s achievements prove right all that Kris and her family have been doing. It doesn’t matter for autistic kids or normal kids, encouraging them to do what they can do rather than focusing on pushing them to learn what they can’t do will bring up that spark in those little hearts. Like Kris wrote, “if you fuel a child’s innate spark, it will always point the way to far greater heights that you could ever have imagined.”

I love this book.

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Trust

“As I said, trust me that I accept the fact, as a single man, it’s your freedom to have other women in your life.  But you don’t trust my acceptance.  You don’t trust what I say.  Even after I told you again and again, even today, you still don’t tell the truth….”

“You want me to trust you, but you constantly prowl for info and keep asking me to tell you things that aren’t truth, and when i tell you the truth you don’t trust me…I don’t know what to tell you…”

Isn’t it like a tongue twister? It is actually part of my two clients’ conversation. Let’s leave their relationship alone. Have you recognize the most frequently used words in their conversation? “Trust”. Let’s get to know what is trust. 

By definition, trust means “firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something”. Trust is like the soil for every relationship to grow. It is the foundation. However, just like we fertilizing our garden with good stuff for better harvest, we must rich our soil of trust with nutritions so that our relationships can grow and thrive. The basic nutritions are understanding and confidence. With a thorough understanding of ourselves and the other party, we can find whether there is mutual ground to seed the relationship. If it happens that we have similar personality, value, reasoning and experience, most likely the relationship will start. Down the line, even if there are disputes or misunderstandings, the strong confidence we have for each other will guard the relationship to the right direction.

As plants can be victims of pests. What can be a harm to trust? I would say imagination. Why is that? Isn’t imagination adding colors to our sometimes boredom life? Yes, it is, which is why it can be harmful to trust. The same time we imagine the perfect life we want, we also imagine the potential risks. The closer the relationship is, the more imaginations we tend to create. If your partner comes back home later than usual, instead of trusting that there was extra work to finish, did you ever imagine a flirty talk in the office after work (had you know there are some pretty co-workers there.)? If your boy told you he had a time-out at school, instead of thinking about how to help him develop good habits, did you ever imagine that the teacher was specificly picky on your boy? We tend to underestimate our ability to imagine. We have the potential to imagine a full colorful story to justify what we think but most of the time, it is not the truth.

We always complain about how hard it is to keep a relationship. Ask yourself these questions: have you thought about whether your foundation is solid? Have you injected understanding and confidence from the get go? Isn’t it that you’ve added too many colors in your imaginary story?

Life is beautiful and simple. Let’s keep it that way. A trust will make our relationships go a long way.

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Stand your ground

Sometimes it’s so easy falling into the turmoil that the loved ones create. We feel depressed, irritated and torn down.

Don’t be. It’s not the other people that create the situation; it is us, because we let them. If we let certain negative comments or thoughts of the other people go again and again without stepping up to stop them, they will eventually become a norm that negate our lives.

What to do? Step up and stand your ground. This is what happened tonight.

“Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. While preparing dinner, I told my husband that I would go to the grocery store to buy some treats for her classmates. He right away gave me that dirty look as if I was going to rob him of his money. I was used to the look because that’s what I see every time I was about to spend money. I didn’t say anything. Whatever.

After dinner I went to the store. I bought some mini cup cakes and some fruits, because I knew those are the kids’ favourites. I was relaxed that my daughter and her classmates will have some good time tomorrow. When I came back home, it was already bed time. The kids were playing their own games while he was playing games on playbook ignoring me opening the door and brought in the stuff. I asked him whether he was preparing to take the kids to bed. He said they were having fruits. He didn’t even raise his eyes from the playbook.

I did something stupid. I passed my anger at him to the kids. I blamed them of not going to bed on time, then I rushed them upstairs to wash and go to bed. I turned off the light and went downstairs right away. The kids were sad that I didn’t hug or kiss them good-bye. I knew so clearly that I was actually mad at him the whole time. Kids are kids. They didn’t do anything wrong.

A couple of minutes later, my son came quietly, “Mommy, you haven’t given my eye drops.” I wanted so much to change the mood upstairs. I gave my son eye drops, counted down from 10 to 1 and turned off the lights and sat between their beds singing their favorite lullabies. After I finished, I hugged and kissed them as usual. My daughter said something that almost made me cry, “Sorry Mommy. We will go to sleep on time next time. You’re the best mommy ever, because you still sing us songs.” I couldn’t help hugging them tighter and longer. I was saying sorry to the kids in my mind. They are the best kids. I failed them. I should better control my temper.

So what was wrong. The whole episode started when I told him that I would spend money. The money was spent on our kids for their birthday. It is a good time to teach them that birthdays are important; birthdays are to be celebrated; they are important. I am not a spender, so I don’t spend money recklessly; he should not give me that dirty look. I will stand my ground. I went to the basement while he was exercising and told him that it’s not acceptable to give me that look and suspect my judgment on spending money. If he doesn’t like it, fine; please walk away, but no more dirty look.”

We need to stand our ground and we need to let the other people know what is acceptable and what is not. It just makes things easier for everybody. We express our ground and we should be ready to receive opposing. But if we don’t take it personally, then nothing will impact our mood. The essence is still how we process and react to the situation.

Stand your ground!

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Consistency

My brilliant buddy had a breakthrough yesterday. He realized that the reason why he is not there yet is that he needs to carry out his plans consistently, no matter business ideas or personal issues.

I wanted to tell him “Hey Buddy, isn’t that what I’ve always talked with you about?”, but I didn’t, because I wanted to be a supportive pal consistently, lol…

If you like to workout, you will understand the role of consistency on our road to fitness goal. It doesn’t matter what level of fitness you start with, if you can only do 10 push-ups a day to start with but keep it up for a week, on day 8th, doing 15 won’t be something hard to achieve. One reason is that you’ve built up your strength and endurance with the time; the other reason is mentally you say to yourself “I can.”

I’m not a very active gym member. I started my Beachbody program, Slim in 6®, 3 months ago. I started with the beginner level, oh my god, lunges could kill me, let alone squats. The second day, I was so sore all over that I didn’t even think I could follow. But I thought I would give myself the 6 weeks just to see whether the program could work for me. So I made up my mind to keep my training. I did the program every day, from beginner level and up. By the 5th week, I followed through the advanced level, 32 push-ups, reverse and forward lunges and squats. When looking back, I totally understood why Debbie Siebers said “Consistency is everything.” Now I’m active, full of energy, toner and feeling so good. I feel successful in developing my workout habit.

Check out some quotes about consistency:

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently.” – Anthony Robbins

 Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.” – Jim Rohn

We need a good intention to start with; we need actions to follow through. The mechanism is consistency, which keeps the machine running. It doesn’t have to be big steps, but continuous. “Constant dropping wears the stone.”

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On Halloween

A friend of mine sends me a text this morning, it reads,

“Get up!..Assume it’s going to be Good and doubt the Bad”

Yesterday was Halloween, and it’s amazing how happy we got. We’re more excited than the children (we’re still kids inside no matter how old we are). We wanted to get the best costume for our children and ourselves. Halloween is a serious thing for parents. It’s the one moment parents truly come alive, because we want to make our kids glow in the dark with happiness and in return we reach to unconscious levels of happiness.

We take our kids trick or treat no matter what the conditions are, hot, cold, windy, raining or snowing or how we’re feeling. It could be the toughest and most stressful day ever, but we must go trick or treat, and somehow the children’s spirit and candy collection just let everything vanish. No more stress. The toughness and stress didn’t even happen. It’s now pure joy, candy fun and smiles from ear to ear and a race to beat the other parents in candy collection.

I remembered the days when my children were so excited about Halloween. I was a 12-15-hour-a-day-worker (mad man). But Halloween was a day I never worked pass 3 or 4 pm, because I needed to be home for costume pictures and I always took them trick or treating. It was always so much fun and exciting. I can still see the smiles on their faces and the best part was usually checking who got the most candies. It was the only time of year we genuinely let go and indulge in sweets without guilt. We let go, enjoy and became kids again…such a sublime moment. If we could bottle those moments and put them on the shelf to look at each day, like pictures, sadness and problems would disappear every time we look at them, because they would bring a smile every time.  

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